You've reached a stage in your life where you want to have kids. Or, this could be a stage in your life where you want another child to add to the one you already have. Some time has passed since your first baby, and you're older and biologically different from back then. In either situation, you may be hit with the realization that pregnancy is no longer possible. This could be due to either male or female infertility, and it hits you like a ton of bricks when you find out. You feel like your world is crumbling as you can't add a child to this world. Thankfully, modern medicine means this isn't as big of a worry as it used to be. In fact, there are many things you can do when you can't get pregnant:
Consider a donor
If male infertility is the problem, and you're still capable of having a baby, then a sperm donor might be a good option for you. It's a simple idea, implanting the donor's sperm into your body so it can fertilize an egg. Then, your baby will grow inside you and you carry on with a normal pregnancy. This is also a great option for any single ladies that have decided they want a baby but don't necessarily want a partner.
Think about In-Vitro Fertilization
If the idea of using a sperm donor doesn't sit well with your partner, you may want to consider IVF treatment instead. This is where an egg is taken from your ovaries and fertilized outside of the body. Even if your male partner is infertile, a procedure can be used to use their sperm and fertilize your egg out of your body. Then, the egg is inserted back into you, and you grow a baby. That's an oversimplification of the treatment, but you should get the idea! Also, you can play around with the different combinations here - you can use your partner's sperm and a donor egg, your egg, and a donor's sperm, or a donor for each. The latter is often the best option for couples where both of you have fertility issues.
Look into surrogacy
Surrogate pregnancy is where someone else gives birth to your baby. Now, this is a very interesting option for numerous reasons. Firstly, you can actually combine it with IVF, only the fertilized egg is inserted into the surrogate mother. They birth the baby, but it could still be formed by both you and your partner. This is a fantastic option for women who have increased risks of complications during pregnancy, basically letting someone else handle it for you. A more traditional approach to surrogacy is implanting your male partner's sperm into a surrogate mother, who will then have the baby for you.
All of these options make it possible to have kids when you thought it was no longer achievable. They're all as good as one another, it's just that each one may target people in certain situations. Of course, don't rule out adoption you should check out orphanages when they give up baby for adoption in Florida if you think that these options are too expensive or risky. The bottom line is that you shouldn't give up on your dreams of being a parent, even when it biologically seems impossible.
As a woman who cannot have children, I can say from experience, it's a hard choice and a hard road. We tried surrogacy, it was ruinously expensive even though we had a relative doing it for us, she had 2 miscarriages. We couldn't ask her to try a third. Then several months after we stopped trying, she accidentally got pregnant with her boyfriend and they now have a baby together. It is crushing. We tried fertility drugs, the whole nine yards, but sometimes your body is just incapable. Period. We opted for adoption but that too is so incredibly hard, risky and expensive. After a failed adoption where the birth parents changed their mind after having us raise her for months, at the final hearing they decided to take her back, only months later to send her to an aunt to live ... it is soul crushing. We didn't want to try again, the day she was taken from our arms, screaming for us and they took her away was just too hard to imagine doing again. We were INSANELY lucky to have a second chance at adoption, this time with a family who were certain 100% what they wanted. Sometimes there are no right choices for a couple. Sometimes you just have to accept that things are the way they are though. Several of the couples we went through the journey with together are in that stage. The grieving stage. The acceptance stage. The let's get a monkey and make it wear baby clothes stage. The we are going to spoil the heck out of our nephews so they don't even want to go home anymore stage. The point is, there are a LOT of options out there. One that most people overlook is accepting what is. For some of us, no amount of "help" is going to work. I beat my head against the wall for years trying, only to find out I was born missing whole parts that make it 100% impossible. For some of us, the "keep trying" mantra doesn't work and never will and only leads to bitterness. We have to accept, we are never going to have children. And that's ok. It's ok to adopt if you are able. Not everyone can do that though. It's ok to be a without children. It makes us no less a person. It just means we have a different purpose to our life.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience. Trying to create a family in whatever way that happens can be hard and is always very personal. I remember going home crying after events when family members would ask when would we start trying and seeing those around me "accidentally" get pregnant. It isn't easy for everyone. Sometimes the acceptance makes the stress a little less. But each journey is very personal and I thank you again for sharing yours.
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