How I Got My Child an IEP in Public School: A Personal Journey

As a parent, there are few things more important than ensuring your child gets the right support and resources to succeed, especially when it comes to school. In January 2021, my child was diagnosed with dysgraphia and ADHD. But their struggles began long before that. When COVID hit and school switched to virtual learning, they were in Kindergarten. I honestly felt like they weren’t ready, but my now ex-husband insisted there wasn’t enough money to repeat preschool. Given what I know now about his handling of finances, that’s just one of many reasons he’s now my ex.

My child didn’t even get their glasses until they were almost five, and I was told they probably couldn’t see properly for most of their life. That’s a whole other story, but all I’ll say is, Mamas, trust your instincts. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

After nearly two years of virtual learning with my child at home, I just knew something wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t that there was something "wrong," but they clearly needed more support. Their brain simply works differently. And I was doing it all by myself even though I was married then.

The bureaucratic hurdles we faced to get them the help they needed were heartbreaking. Navigating the system to get your child the right education means jumping through hoops, wading through endless red tape, and feeling like the system doesn’t always prioritize helping children. I remember their second-grade year—my child’s teacher was overwhelmed by a classroom full of kids who didn’t have reliable support at home or who were acting out. I saw this firsthand since I was the room mom (the only way I could actually get into the school). The teacher didn’t quite see what I was seeing, but she advised me to seek an outside evaluation if I thought something was wrong. My ex ofcourse tried to say that we couldn't afford it, but I reminded him of our health savings account. He then tried to say that we didn't have enough in there so I said I would pay for it with my savings. When we finally got the diagnosis of dysgraphia and ADHD, it was a huge relief to know I wasn’t imagining things. Of course, my ex chimed in with, “Oh, I got to listen in on this,” with a smirk, but hearing that diagnosis from the professional just wiped that smirk right off his face.

From there, my child began their Section 504 plan, but it wasn’t until third grade that we found a teacher who truly understood and helped us navigate the system to get them the real support they needed.

My child was falling behind in a few key areas, and as much as I tried to help at home, I knew they needed more than what was being offered in the classroom. It became clear that I needed to explore more specialized support, which led me on the journey to get them an Individualized Education Plan (IEP).

Step 1: Trust Your Instincts

As a parent, I knew something was off with my child’s learning. They were frustrated, and so was I. Admitting that your child needs extra support isn’t easy, but it is the first step toward helping them succeed. I kept detailed notes on their behavior, struggles, and challenges, and had open conversations with the teacher. She was concerned too, pointing out that my child wasn’t meeting the milestones expected for their age, and that their struggles were impacting their ability to keep up with their classmates. That was the nudge I needed to take action.

Step 2: Requesting a Formal Evaluation

The next step was requesting a formal evaluation to determine if my child had a learning disability or other special needs. I reached out to the school’s special education coordinator and submitted a written request. The school had 60 days to respond, and during that time, I did everything I could to educate myself on the IEP process. I was nervous, but I was determined. The idea of my child being “labeled” was intimidating, but I had to push my fears aside. I wanted to give them the best chance at success, and that meant figuring out exactly what support they needed.

Step 3: The Evaluation Process

The evaluation itself was thorough. It included observations from the teacher, assessments in reading and math, interviews with me about their behavior at home, and screenings from the school psychologist. I felt a mix of hope and anxiety. After several weeks, the school team met with me to discuss the findings. My child showed signs of a processing disorder that made it hard for them to focus, follow multi-step instructions, and retain new information. They agreed my child qualified for special education services and would benefit from an IEP. It was such a relief to hear that their struggles weren’t due to laziness or lack of intelligence—they were simply the result of unique learning needs.

Step 4: Developing the IEP

Once the evaluation was complete and it was clear my child needed an IEP, the next step was working with the school team to create a plan. This included the teacher, special education staff, the school psychologist, and me. We discussed their strengths, challenges, and what accommodations they would need. The IEP was tailored to their needs. Some of the accommodations included having instructions given one step at a time, using speech-to-text tools, and extended time for assignments and tests. The plan also focused on improving reading comprehension and social-emotional skills, with regular check-ins to monitor progress. I learned that an IEP isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution—it’s designed to meet your child’s unique needs. I felt like a true partner in the process, and we all agreed that their emotional well-being was just as important as their academic progress.

Step 5: Ongoing Communication and Advocacy

Even after the IEP was in place, our work didn’t end. I made it a priority to stay in close communication with the teacher and the special education team to ensure that the accommodations were being implemented and that my child was progressing. We had quarterly meetings to review progress and tweak the IEP as needed. I learned that advocating for your child doesn’t stop once the plan is written. You need to be involved, ask questions, and make sure the school is following through on their commitments. I grew more confident in speaking up for my child, whether it was requesting additional tutoring or advocating for changes to their classroom environment.

Step 6: Celebrating Progress

Today, my child is a different person. With the support of their IEP, they’re more confident in the classroom and feel like they truly belong. The accommodations have made a huge difference. The teacher continues to report progress, and we’ve seen significant improvements in their ability to stay focused and complete tasks. There are still challenges, but my child is making strides—and that’s all I could hope for. Looking back, getting my child an IEP wasn’t just about extra help—it was about giving them the opportunity to reach their full potential. The process was long and sometimes overwhelming, but I knew I had to be persistent. It was a learning experience for both of us, and it’s made me a stronger advocate for my child.

If you’re wondering if your child needs an IEP, trust your instincts. Talk to your child’s teacher, request an evaluation, and stay involved. Every child deserves the support they need to succeed, and you have the power to make sure they get it.

In the end, it took too long to get my child the help they needed. Now, they’re attending a private school that’s better equipped to adapt to their needs, offering them the personalized support they thrive on. The smaller class sizes and tailored approach have made a world of difference, and I wish I had known that I could work in a private school with a degree sooner.
I decided to pull him out of public school because his teacher kept sending him home in tears and sent home passive aggressive notes CLEARLY, she didn't even bother reading his IEP. But he started 10/1/23 and on 10/31 the public school finally contacted me about how they could help him with his dysgraphia, when his private school had been helping for a month with the same suggestions.
And remember social media is a LIE. People would never know what was going on behind the scenes. One picture doesn't mean it was happening consistently, one positive post doesn't mean there wouldn't be 100 other negative ones. But, as I said, that’s another story for another day.

Nanny to Mommy