Nanny to Mommy

Marriage is something that you have to constantly work on improving. It is a lot of work, but in a healthy relationship, that work is very worth the effort put in. If you are struggling in your marriage after kids (or even before!), these tips below should be able to help you out.

Here are tips on how to keep your marriage strong after kids:

A lot of the time, for whatever reason, listening becomes harder after kids. Maybe it is because you are exhausted at the end of each day, busy doing something else, or maybe it’s because one kid is yelling while your spouse is trying to talk to you. Whatever it might be, this is when active listening can help you out. Active listening will help your spouse feel that you are concerned about them and trying to understand their feelings. When they feel valued, they will feel loved and cared about. Active listening means being engaged and proactive instead of misinterpreting the other person's message or reacting prematurely. There are a few things to do when it comes to active listening:

-Let the speaker speak. Do not interrupt, judge, or react emotionally.

-Focus on the speaker’s needs and feelings.

-Demonstrate that you are actually hearing them by saying things like “that must have been really tough.”

-Ask questions if you are not sure where they are coming from

-Summarize or paraphrase when the speaker is done talking to demonstrate that you understood the main message and understand their point of view.

As you and your spouse get more and more involved in tending to the kids, it’s easy to neglect each other’s needs. You can reassure your spouse of your love and care for them through little acts of affection. These include holding each other’s hands in public, hugging each other daily, a quick squeeze of your spouse’s hands or a kiss on the cheek. Physical touch, no matter how small, can strengthen your marriage as it builds physical bonds.

Too often, after you and your spouse get married and have children, you both start to think that you know each other well but that may not be the case. The reality is that the both of you are constantly changing, and if you don’t actively get to know each other, your knowledge about your spouse may be out of sync with whom they really are. It is really important to have heart-to-heart chats and ask each other new and exciting questions. Here are a few question ideas:

-What is one achievement of yours that you were proud of today?

-What would make you excited for the weekend?

-What have we not done together that would make you happy?

-What kind of family do you think we will be like in the future?

-What can I do to improve our relationship?

-Is there anything that you are trying to improve on?

-How can I help you meet your goals?

Remember that you have two roles now: you are both a mother and a wife or a father and a husband. You must make a pact that you will not stop being friends and lovers just because you are moms and dads. You must take care of yourself and your spouse if you want to take the best care of your child.

Just like a home, the quality of a relationship is dependent upon the strength of its foundation and whether it meets the needs of the two people involved. It might sound simple but you can’t go wrong if you attempt to meet your partner’s needs, articulate yours so he can do the same, and keep building on the foundation that brought you two together. Not even consecutive sleepless nights with a baby can rock that. However, I understand that the foundation has the potential to get cracked along the way. If this is the case, I would highly recommend seeking counseling. If you need a therapist Peachtree City, Ray of Hope Counseling Services may be the place for you to go. They have marriage and couples counseling, but they also have individual counseling, group counseling, and so much more. Here are some of their areas of expertise:

-Imago therapy for couples

-Play therapy

-Hypnotherapy

-EMDR

-Therapy for abuse and violence

-Stress and anger management

-Dialectical behavior therapy

-Cognitive behavioral therapy

-Depression and anxiety therapy

-Crisis intervention

-Christian counseling

-LGBTQ issues

-Equine therapy

Ray of Hope Counseling Services is a group of psychotherapists that are dedicated to helping, healing, and strengthening people - no matter your life challenges and/or changes. Their staff has diversified professional work backgrounds and experiences, which allow them to treat a variety of issues across the lifespan and they strive to meet you where you are. They have many locations all throughout GA, so even if you are in Marietta, Canton, or Conyers, they have a place for you!